Dear Bee,
I have a sponsor. This time, she’s real and genuine, rather than someone who brushes me off and seems to always be “running out the door” whenever I called. And this woman is so sweet. She really is. Despite our age, weight, and lifestyle differences, she absolutely treats me as an equal and respects me for who I am!
We met for lunch today and talked for about an hour and a half, and I just felt so comfortable disclosing my personal issues and fears around her. It felt so good…so inspiring. And she shared her own story, which I loved hearing! She asked me what I want out of our relationship, and it was so awesome to just be able to express what I need in terms of support and guidance.
I attribute much of my recovery and inner peace to the support in OA; I am so glad I was able to set aside my stubbornness and preconceived notions about the foundation of the Twelve Steps and open my mind to all that the fellowship can offer! I love that there is no “right or wrong” way to do anything in that program; I love that everyone is welcome to attend, no matter where one may fall on the disordered eating spectrum; I love the positivity and humbled atmosphere.
I know I am in such a good place, and I am absolutely grateful for it. I feel so blessed for the lessons I am learning about myself, others, and the world. I fully believe in the power of self-awareness, and even though it can be difficult to work through the issues I long suppressed, denied, or avoided, it’s so empowering at the same time.
I will say that February was a difficult month for us. There were more slips than I intended. There were some insane eating binges. There were some extreme distorted thoughts. But relapse? Not a chance. Not me.
You, my friend, are jus becoming a smaller, less-consuming force in my mind. Sure, sometimes you come out to poke and prod me, but I can close the door and hang out with a different friend more easily than I ever was able to before.
In fact, I barely look at you as Bee anymore, an indication of how far I’ve come since I started writing these letters in December. Back then, most of those letters centered on the perils of our relationship, on our memories, on my feelings towards you, on my frustrations and anger; I used the nickname Bee as a catch-all for my eating disorder, and writing to “you” helped me separate all the irrationality going on inside my distorted mind.
We were never separate. And as much as I want to believe you were just some parasite that invaded my life, I know you were more than my eating disorder: you were representative of the way I chose to live my life; you were the cycle of my negative self-talk, uncomfortable feelings, and compulsive and destructive behaviors.
I emphasize the word were because I am referring to my past. Our relationship has shifted because my LIFE has shifted. I am starting to love myself…really! I am starting to relax and lighten up…REALLY! And finally, I am starting to just let go…TRULY AND HONESTLY, I am letting go of the yesterdays, tomorrows, shoulds, and what-could-have-beens.
I am achieving the freedom: freedom from your abuse, freedom from your dictation, freedom from your punishment and cruelty.
I know you’re still there, and that’s okay. I will always love you, because you are me…and in loving you, I am accepting me 
“One cannot know peace with others when one cannot achieve peace with himself” (my-maybe-I-need-to-forget-this-whole-being-a-therapist-and-just-become-a-philosopher-quote-of-the-day)
