Dear Bee,
PS: None of this is really exciting (not as thrilling as the whirlwind of my afternoon, anyway), but I wanted to document it, because I promised that I would.
After a somewhat nightmare-ish month of slips and lapses, I’ve decided to forgo all refined sugar for the next thirty days. It’s simply made me an emotional and unstable mess in terms of recovery and my efforts at moderation have not been successful. Even when I’m eating sugar in moderation, I find myself more anxious and distressed…I know I keep flip-flopping on avoiding trigger foods versus eating intuitively, but you know what…I’m only committing to thirty days here. So that’s what’s going on.
I also have found a new sponsor, a wonderfully sweet woman who I met at an OA meeting this past week. She’s meeting me in-person next week to really get me started on working the steps and starting out the program. I’m excited and ready for it. Although I love the fellowship of OA, I have not made much of any effort to really get involved or practice the principles of the program…but I want to begin. I have seen the sanity others have acquired, and well, I want that. I want to live free of the preoccupation.
Although I do feel more positive and am practicing being gentler and more forgiving of myself, I haven’t felt all that secure in my recovery since “breaking abstinence” in January. And I’m really determined to stay running in my marathon!
